Rant is going to be a bodybuilder

Since 1978 I have been training with weights on and off. Athletics of one sort of another had always been my primary objective so weight training was something I did off season usually in the summer. In retrospect I did a lot of things wrong. I put too much emphasis on my upper body thinking that my legs were “big enough” whatever that meant. I always did have tree trunks but the problem was they were never strong enough. I lifted pretty hard until I finished playing college football.

After college ball I dove into a bottle for awhile and when I pulled out of that I decided I really needed to get into shape. I started triathlon training and from 89-92. I did some races and even a half marathon. I even won a 10 mile race in my age division although there was a big marathon going on the same day the next city over. Still I won it which isn’t bad for a football player. If you saw me now you’d be hard pressed envisioning me crossing the finish line of a 10 mile race. Any way at that time I was in great condition and felt great. I wasn’t very strong but I could ride my bike 100 miles, run 15 no problem and I could swim 2 miles in a pool without stopping.

When I moved to the Orient I stopped the triathlon thing but kept jogging and on the weekend I would hike the many mountains in Japan and Korea. Saturdays and Sundays would you’d often find me doing 10-12 hour hikes. I think of all the exercise I did I loved this the most. For me it really helped clear my mind. After the Orient and some other travels I wound up in Oregon and had a 4 day a week job which allowed me to disappear in the MT Hood wilderness nearly every 3 day weekend for a about 2 years. I packed light and never used a tent or a sleeping bag. I’d buy 5 or 6 MREs from the surplus store and I’d be gold. Sometimes I’d just bring a big bag of trail mix and go on that for 3 days. I was always paranoid about attracting bears after one charged my camp while I was cooking fish.

Once I got into graduate school and teaching part time I was pretty much stuck in Portland so I started fighting again from about 95-98 when I got married. During all this time I had a few fits and spurt with weights. I always responded pretty fast to training but never liked the bulky feeling. But in 1998 I found myself bound to a desk job in Washington DC. I hated the humidity when jogging outside so I went back to a gym and started lifting. By this time the whole gym culture had changed. There were a lot more chicks in the gym and it seemed like every guy was a glove wearing douchebag. I hated it until I noticed a pudgy group of guys off in the corner who were powerlifting. I got in with these guys and started doing some powerlifting. I have stuck with the power movements ever since accept for a year and a half where I did nothing but Bikram’s Yoga and a brief foray into kettlebell lifting. I almost forgot the year I did Crossfit. I’ll call that the wasted year and leave it at that.

In 2010 I got back into the big three lifts and entered a PL meet this past December. I think I will jump into one more next month and after that I will be changing things up. Can you guess what I’m going to do next? Yeah…you got it…bodybuilding. You know all these years that I have dinked around with weights I have never tried bodybuilding. Of course I am not talking about competing with those little briefs and stuff that would be far too delightful for a “fo sho brother” like me. I mean that is simply never going to happen but I would like to see what would happen if I build off this powerlifting base. I would still do the big three but also arm exercises and all that shit. I would also do cardio or whatever else seemed appropriate. Honestly I have been thinking more along the lines of Mike Mentzer and his HIT stuff.


I don’t want to hear any bullshit about functional. I have been functional all my life and in a heart beat could bury some kettlebell or Crossfit fag’s head right through a brick wall. I’ll always be functional. I learned that the hard way not through some exercise routine. I’ll be 100% honest here. I’m a sick of looking like shit. After this next meet I am done powerlifting for at least a year. Now I won’t be going to a gym or anything like that. I will still train in my garage with barbells and dumbbells. I will have an arms day and I will train my abs. I will diet. I’m sick of looking puffed out and lumpy. If you don’t like the direction I am taking you can get in line to go fuck yourself. Rant is going to be a bodybuilder and will embrace his gay side to a certain extent.